Making Flippy Floppy

Ohhhhh...my joints ache, my ears are pluggy, the glands in my throat are swollen. I can't get any sleep cause I keep coughing my head off - my tummy muscles are ragingly sore from coughing. I'm sick sick sick and my world is fuzzy. In my attempts to feel better in the last few days I've taken these drugs: Advil Sinus, Tylenol Sinus Night-Time, Emergen-C drink, Ibuprophen, Generic Theraflu, 24-Hour Claratin, mysterious purple cough syrup, Herbal Tea, Echinacea , 2 Jamba Juice Coldbusters with Immunity Boost, Hydrocodone, and one other "herbal remedy" that legally I best not mention here (I didn't inhale, really). After all that, does my cold feel better? No. Do I suddenly need rehab? Probably. Waking up this morning with a fog still lingering in my brain, I came out of my bedroom and had the sudden urge to murder some cats. See, last night it was all I could do to drag my sick, over-medicated ass to Safeway and get some TP, which I need lots of to blow my nose with etc. I cracked open the package and left the rest sitting on the bathroom counter. The cats have NEVER even noticed rolls of TP before, so what happened is irritatingly odd. I woke up to the entire package of TP, all four rolls, in shreds all over my entire house. It's 3 inches deep in the bathroom alone. I lost my temper, yelling and bellowing about the "god-damned cats" as they flew in three different directions. They're truly lucky they found some good hiding spots or there would have been some little dead kitty mummies, all wrapped in layers of shredded toilet tissue. I calmed myself down, realizing that it was pointless to be angry and imaging how much pure feline FUN they must have had creating this disastrous mess. I'm not looking forward to cleaning up the mess, however, and the whole thing makes me want to try my granny's surefire cold remedy: shots of bourbon.

Labels: Random Thoughts